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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359116">Here for you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mukashii/pseuds/Mukashii'>Mukashii</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Dragon Age II Quest - All That Remains, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M!Handers, M/M, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Post-Dragon Age II Quest - All That Remains, handers - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:47:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mukashii/pseuds/Mukashii</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hawke comes back to the family estate after his mother's death he feels bad, really bad. But Anders is here to comfort him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anders &amp; Hawke, Anders &amp; Male Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Here for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi ! It's my third OS on this pairing and I love them so much so it won't be the last.<br/>I'm sure a lot of fics about All That Remains has been done but here's my version :) (And I still suck at writing summaries, sorry x) )<br/>Enjoy ~</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hawke heard Gamlen's footsteps as he walked out of the room and then out of the estate, the door slammed and finally the silence fell. He didn't move for a few seconds and automatically went up to his room, like his legs moved by themselves. There he closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of his bed facing the fireplace and stared at the crackling fire without really seeing it for a moment.</p><p>He couldn't remember how he got back to the estate, everything was blurry in his mind except for the fact that Varric just left when his uncle arrived. He suspected that he helped him get here but he couldn't remember anything else between the time he left Quentin's lair and the time he returned home.</p><p>He felt as if a gaping hole had been dug in his chest, the images of what happened a few hours earlier looping around in his head, one after the other. He tried to push them away, but they came back like a tidal wave hitting him hard and he couldn't escape them.</p><p>He closed his eyes in the hope of chasing them away, but they became even more precise, flowing in his mind. The reconstructed body of a woman walking towards him like a puppet, his mother's face too pale to be normal, her empty eyes on him and her last words before the magic that kept her alive dispersed. "My little boy has become so strong." <em>No I'm not,</em> he thought. "I love you, You've always made me so proud." <em>But I couldn't save you.</em> He couldn't forget the feeling of her lifeless body falling into his arms like rag doll.</p><p>Suddenly he was suffocating, he took his head in his hands and tried to catch his breath. It was as if he was deprived of air, his throat became knotted and tears burned his eyes, he couldn't hold them back. He felt them running down his cheeks, unable to stop them.</p><p>Adding to his pain, guilt gripped his heart. He couldn't help but think that if he had been more attentive to the signs he could have stopped it. He could have prevented it, she wouldn't be... no. He couldn't even formulate that thought, because then it would come true. Denial may not have been a solution, but at that moment it was all he had not to collapse or lose his mind.</p><p>He saw Quentin's face again behind his closed eyelids and Gamlen's words sounded like hammer hits in his head. "You're to blame!" Maybe he was right, if he'd been faster or stronger he could have saved her.</p><p>He was beginning to believe he was a curse on his family. First they lost Bethany trying to escape Lothering and the Blight because he couldn't protect her. After that Carver almost died in the Deep Roads and left with the Wardens because he accepted to take him in the expedition and now... </p><p>He felt more alone than ever. Loneliness enveloped him like a cold coat on his shoulders and suddenly his room and the whole estate seemed immense, too big for him.</p><p>At the same time, footsteps on the other side of the door and descrete knocking on it brought him back down to earth. He wiped his tears and was about to dismiss the person who was coming, thinking it was Bodhan or Orana, but as he looked up and the door opened he saw Anders and the words stuck in his throat. He watched as he approached him without a word, he seemed to want to say something.</p><p>Anders walked towards him but Hawke didn't like the pity in his eyes, mixed with the love and trust he usually see in them. "I know nothing I say will change it. I'm just... I'm sorry," he said with a compassionate tone, seeing his red eyes. "You were lucky to have her as long as you did. When the pain fades, that's what will matter."</p><p>Hawke knew he was right but the pain in his chest was no less. He'd rather have been stabbed a dozen times, it'd be less painful than this. He wasn't ready to be alone, wasn't ready to lose what he lost today and maybe that's why it hurt so much, he was too confident, he thought they were safe but now everything was broken. All it took was one man with blood magic. Once again, his uncle's accusations echoed in his head, hitting him like punches in the face. "Maybe the templars are right! The mages should all be locked down!" Again, maybe he wasn't wrong...</p><p>"A mage did this to her," the words slipped his mouth and his voice sounded strange, as if it wasn't his own, too hoarse, too broken. He looked at his hands and hesitated. Maybe after all it wasn't normal for a man to be able to do what Quentin did, he himself had the power to do such things if he wanted to, and it frightened him for a second. "Maybe we are a danger to everyone around us." </p><p>"He was a madman. That's what made him do this. Not magic." Anders said in a soft voice, just stating facts. "Do you think you could do that ? Do you think <em>I</em> could do that ?"</p><p>Hawke immediately regretted his words. Anders was right. Never would one of them do such a horrible thing to anyone but before he could tell him, Anders approached and sat down beside him, taking his hand. "I know you're looking for someone to be angry at. If it helps, go ahead and take it out on me." </p><p>Hawke stared at him, not sure how to react. Of course he wanted someone to blame, someone to yell at how unfair it was and for a second he hesitated to accept but Anders had nothing to do with it, he didn't deserve him to take his anger out on him. "No. It's not your fault," his throat tighten again, every word was difficult and he looked down.</p><p>They were silent for a moment, Anders didn't know what to say or do to ease the pain of the man he loved and his heart broke to see him like this. For a second he thought about his mother's pillow hidden in his clinic, the only reminder he had of her. In a way he lost his mother too but it was a long time ago and for all he knows she could be fine in this little village in Ferelden so it wasn't the same thing. He couldn't understand what Hawke was going through but he wanted to help, even if he didn't know how.</p><p>After a few seconds, he noticed tears running silently down Hawke's cheeks and put a hand on his shoulder gently. "I'm here," he then pulled him to himself and seeing that he wasn't resisting, he took him in his arms and held him close, caressing his back with a gentle gesture.</p><p>The wave of sadness, guilt and anger that had been threatening Hawke since he returned home finally broke the wall he erected to hold it back as he cried unrestrainedly at Anders, his face buried against his chest.</p><p>Under normal circumstances he might have been embarrassed to show himself so vulnerable to him but he wasn't able to do otherwise, it was as if when he touched him something broke inside and he was no longer able to maintain the mask of indifference and strength that he had put on in front of his uncle or his friends. Hawke was clinging to the other mage's coat with all his strength, he wanted him to stay close and was afraid that he would move away, to be left alone with his memories and his thoughts.</p><p>Anders whispered words he hoped would comfort Hawke and kept him close. He could feel him holding his coat with force and his throat tightened up. Hawke was a force of nature that nothing could shake. He was always smiling, proud in front of anyone or anything but also selfless and loving and Anders naively believed nothing could ever change that. He never imagined he would see him so fragile and vulnerable one day, he tend to forget he was human too.</p><p>"It's my fault," Hawke whispered between sobs. "I didn't try hard enough to save her," Deep down he knew he'd done all he could, but it wasn't enough and because of that, because he was weak his mother was gone. </p><p>"No, no," Anders took him by the shoulders and forced him to look at him. He couldn't let him say something like that, "It's not your fault," he put his hand on his cheek and looked him in his eyes, shining with tears and held his gaze for a few seconds, trying to calm him down. "She wouldn't want you to blame yourself."</p><p>Hawke scoffed and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, "You don't know my mother,"</p><p>Anders more or less heard Aveline and Varric talking about how his mother held Hawke responsible for the death of his sister Bethany, whom he hadn't had a chance to meet but he was sure she didn't really blame him. He was there when Leandra breathed her last and her look, the words she spoke to her son were those of a loving mother. He had a pinch to the heart at the thought he could believe she was angry with him and would have wanted to tell him he was wrong but he didn't want to argue about it, not now. He drew him to his chest again and gently stroked his hair in a soothing gesture.</p><p>Hawke gradually managed to resume a normal breathing by concentrating on Anders' own and his heartbeat. His presence was enough to calm him, he felt a bit safer in his arms and the knot in his throat had loosened enough for him to speak, "Anders, will you -" he paused, hesitating, he didn't want to sound like a child. The other mage waited for him to continue without pushing him, but he felt the pressure on his coat getting stronger. "Will you stay with me tonight? I-I don't want to be alone."</p><p>"Of course, my love," a sad smile stretched his lips. He had no intention of leaving him alone even if he hadn't asked him to stay. He wouldn't have had the strength to leave him in this state, "I'm here for you, you're not alone," He wanted to protect him with all his heart and his grip around him instinctively tightened until he calmed down completely and his shoulders stopped shaking.</p><p>Now that his tears had subsided Hawke felt exhausted, drained of all energy. All the tiredness of the day fell on him at once, so he let himself go without resisting when Anders took him to lie down and then when he brought the blanket over him. When he took him in his arms again he hugged him, the reassuring smell of the mage helped him to calm down and feel better and safe. </p><p>Hawke didn't know how to thank Anders for staying with him, he didn't have the words. He pushed the blanket back slightly and brought his face closer to Anders's to press his lips on his.</p><p>Anders didn't expect him to kiss him in this situation but he didn't push him away, instead he caressed his cheek with tenderness, his lips brushing against Hawke's. When Hawke kissed him more forcefully he felt the salty taste of tears on his tongue and his warm breath on his face. There were timid fingers running through his hair as he pulled him closer, clinging to his shirt. Through this kiss Anders wanted to reassure him, to show he was here if he needed him no matter what. </p><p>The warmth around him was pleasant and Hawke started to forget all his bad thought to focus on Anders. His lips on his, his hand on his cheek, his body pressed against his own, all that took over everything else for a moment. “I love you,” he muttered between two kisses.</p><p>He didn't want to let him go. He felt that if he did, all the little of well-being he gained would slip away from him and he would feel the full weight of the day's events falling on him again, but he was beginning to run out of breath. He kept his lips pressed against Anders' for as long as he could before finally separating from him.</p><p>Anders smiled softly and kissed his forehead. “Sleep now, my love. I'm not leaving you,” He continued to fondle Hawke's hair until he finally felt his breathing slow down and his muscles relax against his body. </p><p>He hoped to be there the way Hawke needed him, for once he wanted to look after him the same way he looks after all of them. He watched him sleep until the fire died then, overwhelmed by tiredness he finally fell asleep too as the first rays of sunshine lit up the sky above Kirkwall.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading !<br/>I always wanted to write about what happened after Leandra's death and I think they're so cute together, I can't help but love to see them comforting each other and be here for each other, so I hope you liked it !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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